Recognize the sensitive moments that made you stronger

In August 2002, my dad picked me up from summer camp. Our energies were different. Mine was joyous, while my dad’s energy was disjointed.

He broke the news he and my mom separated and were now sleeping in separate rooms.

I didn’t understand.

I thought parents and married couples were supposed to be together forever. It made no sense to me.

If my parents didn’t yell enough before the separation, it only got worse. The house became a breathing ground for resentment, anger, and sadness.

I remained oblivious to these feelings for most of my childhood.

This was a defining moment in my life.

A defining moment is when you realize your entire world changes.

Your construct is no longer what you knew it to be.

Mine was the happy, go-lucky childhood where both of my parents lived under one roof. At 12 years old, I was forced to reconcile that I’d never have this family unit ever again.

Once my parents moved into separate places, they rarely drove me back and forth between their new residencies. I had to carry my belongings between each house on public transportation. My 45 lb. suitcase sometimes felt like a big rock. No one was there to help me and it sucked.

Coupled with my eventual departure to boarding school, I grew up real quick. This transpired around my sexual awakening, realizing my attraction to men. Instead of coming out, I dug my feelings deep down inside. I felt shame.

That moment in the car with my dad, driving home from summer camp was the beginning of a tumbleweed forming.

It was the first time I believed the world was an ugly place.

The moment was sensitive.

It’s shaped who I am and what I’ve become.

I’m skeptical about long-term relationships yet somehow I remain hopeful.

I didn’t believe in love for a while yet somehow I’ve regained the associated feeling in different ways.

It was a defining moment yet it doesn’t define who I am as a whole human being. I’m so much more than my past, and so are you.

We view the past, present and future as three different spaces in time.

When we look at the past, we’re often drawn toward pivotal moments that changed us forever. It spurs grief, sadness, resentment, anger, and animosity.

Even though the experiences shaped who we’ve become, the experiences don’t control us anymore.

Simply recognize it was the past. The present is a new moment.

No matter what the past looks like, positive or negative, sensitive or stable, it’s most likely made you stronger and more resilient. This is something you and I don’t recognize very often.

You and I are mighty beyond the average of our two current thoughts. We just don’t recognize it consistently.

If you were to step outside yourself for a few moments, you’ll realize how powerful and brave you are. You’ll see the person that I see.

This is a practice I don’t do often but I believe we need to incorporate it into our mindfulness practice more often. It raises human vibration and inspires optimism.

We need more optimistic people in the world more than ever right now.

Your past doesn’t make you weak.

Your past makes you stronger and more fitting to take on the biggest challenges presented to you in this moment.

Simply recognize the past is no longer, then return to the present moment.