How to silence the bully who lives inside your head

There’s a bully inside your head. Arianna Huffington calls him the obnoxious roommate.

He says mean things to you like:

“You’ll stay stuck at this job forever.”

“You’ll be single forever.”

“You’ll never amount to anything.”

A bully is a person who uses strength to hurt and intimidate people who are weaker.

When your bully speaks, you become powerless.

It pains me to know gay boys are bullied all over the world. Some proud boys flaunt their fabulousness on social media (I love them, too), but we can’t forget the boys and men who are silenced and afraid to speak their truth.

In high school, a kid tried to “out me” by hacking into my Facebook profile and changing my social media status from straight to gay.

I wasn’t out yet. This hurt.

My friends and family questioned my sexuality, and I continued to deny it.

I continued to let the bully inside my head intoxicate my body with denial and mean thoughts.

“You’re bad for being attracted to men.”

“You suck.”

“Don’t ever come out.”

The worst bully I ever faced in my life was in my head.

He wasn’t in the schoolyard and she wasn’t in a club called the plastics.

The bully was in my head.

Do you have a bully in your head?

A bully who intimidates you and uses mental strength to make you weaker?

Do you believe that voice?

Be aware of your answers to these questions.

Be aware of the recording that plays in your head. That script dictates your behavior. It constructs the way you show up and act in the world.

In mindfulness, we say you are the most important relationship you’ll ever have for your entire life.

You are the only person you’ll be forced to be with from this moment to the day you physically leave this earth.

How will you treat this relationship with yourself?

Will you allow the bully to continue to intimidate you or will you become friends with him?

It might feel like a war to make friends with a bully.

Who wants to be friends with those who’re mean?

That doesn’t seem right.

Unfortunately, you can’t change the bully. However, you can reconfigure how you relate with the bully.

Did someone ever make you angry? … and you responded by acknowledging their existence, choosing to spend less time with him and then eventually you forget about why they made you angry in the first place.

The bully in your head works the same way.

There’s no need to call the bully judgmental names. Instead, rename him consciousness.

Acknowledge he exists and relate to him differently.

You have 100% permission to tattle tale on the bully if he tries to hurt you. Share these thoughts with someone you trust:

A friend. A mentor. A therapist. A coach. A family member.

There are people out there who are more than happy to listen. They’ll help you understand that everyone has a bully who lives inside their head. You are not alone.

You’re in good company.

The more you practice this, the more your bully’s voice will be silenced.

The bully will eventually become your friend.

It takes time, but the practice is well worth the wait.

Hang in there my friend.

You are worth it.