What to do when you feel lonely

I spent many afternoons and evenings thinking that there wasn’t anyone who cared about me and the only way that’d I’d ever make friends was once I put myself out there and become confident.

While those things most certainly help and I teach many of my students basic principles about confidence and where to socialize with people, I often find that there are deeper reasons why you can feel so lonely at times, and that’s exactly what we’re gonna tackle today.

I need you to get one thing straight, there’s a difference between being lonely versus being alone.

Being lonely means that you have a negative feeling such as sadness or dissatisfaction from not having anyone around you. Loneliness means that you simply don’t feel good.

On the other hand, being alone means that you don’t have anyone physically around you. This is an actual state of being and can be a fact. Like when I’m in my room writing scripts for these youtube videos, I am physically alone because there’s no one else in the room.

You notice there’s a difference between the words, loneliness versus being alone. It’s key to know the difference before we talk about what to do about it.

Now that we know the difference, let’s get cookin’!

When you’re feeling lonely, it’s usually because you have an expectation that you need to feel positive, happy, or joy in the moment. You feel guilt or sadness because you don’t have anyone around you.

Yes, these feelings are difficult and challenging to deal with, but I want to introduce you to a term called impermanence.

Impermanence means that nothing ever stays the same and things are constantly shifting and evolving. Here’s an example. Right now, I feel super amazing because I just won a million dollars for winning the lottery. But fast forward a year, the money is gone, I feel upset because I’m broke from spending all the money, and then I’m back where I was before I won the lottery. In this example, can you guess the two things that were impermanent? The two things that were impermanent were my feelings and the amount of money in my bank account.

This same framework goes for you and your loneliness. You may feel sad or guilty for feeling alone, but you’re not going to feel that way for the rest of your life.

Impermanence shows that you and your feelings are constantly evolving and changing. You just need to trust that your circumstances will be different eventually when you feel lonely.

Now let’s just say you’re simply alone. You’re by yourself. It’s just you, yourself, and….you!

Spending time alone can be one of the most wonderful things, and here’s why.

When you spend time by yourself, you get a grand opportunity to truly listen to the voice inside your heart. This sounds super cheesy, so please bear with me.

Listening to that voice inside is called your intuition or your gut instinct. That voice is one of the most powerful teachers on the face of the planet.

That’s why successful people like you and I can practice activities like meditation, yoga or journaling so you can strengthen your intuition.

You can only access intuition when you’re alone, so I encourage you to find the joy and pleasure in spending time by yourself. It’s one of the most sacred things you can do to replenish your mind and body from all of the meaningless and negative noise in the world.

I have a call to action for you. I want you to take out a journal or a notebook right now and this write down:

“When I’m alone and I think “I am so lonely”, I remind myself that my circumstance is impermanent. I now embrace my time alone because I get to access my intuition which is a powerful tool for self-acceptance.”

Do you ever get lonely? How do you cope with loneliness? Let me know in the comments below.

Peace and gratitude,

Max